Inclusive Language in Birth Work
As a queer doula and nanny, I've seen firsthand how deeply ingrained certain language patterns are in our work with families. We often default to terms like "mom," "mommy," "mother," or "mommy and daddy" without giving it a second thought. But in 2024, it's time to move beyond these defaults. Our words matter—they can uplift or marginalize, affirm or exclude. For too long, birth work has centered around a heteronormative model that doesn't reflect the diversity of families we serve today.
This isn't just a professional shift for me; it's personal. As a queer person, I know how powerful it is to feel seen and respected in spaces where our identities aren't always represented. In my time as a nanny and doula, I've noticed how often we unconsciously reinforce traditional family structures through language. But not every family has a "mommy" or a "daddy." Some families have two moms, two dads, a single parent, or parents who don't fit neatly into those boxes. Some families don't fit into the terms "mom" or "dad" at all.
We're making strides toward more inclusive language in birth work—terms like "parent," "birth giver," and "birth parent" are becoming more common. These shifts are small but significant. They're about creating a welcoming space for everyone, no matter how their family looks or how they identify. It's not about erasing or diminishing the roles of those who proudly identify as mothers or fathers. Instead, it's about expanding our language to include everyone, celebrating the beautiful diversity of families.
For the queer and trans community, inclusive language isn't just a preference; it's a necessity. According to the Williams Institute, an estimated 114,000 same-sex couples in the U.S. are raising children. Add to that single-parent families, blended families, and families that defy categorization, and it's clear that our language needs to catch up with reality. Every family deserves to feel seen and affirmed in birth spaces.
I've also seen how this shift in language can reduce stigma and shame. Parents who feel marginalized by traditional language might hesitate to seek the support they need. But when they hear words that resonate with their experience, they're more likely to engage, to ask for help, and to connect. And that connection is what birth work is all about.
This transition isn't always easy. Birth work has a long history of using gendered, binary language, and changing old habits takes time and intention. But as birth workers, we have the power to shape a more inclusive future. It starts with simple shifts—being mindful of the words we use and the impact they have.
Inclusive language is just one part of a larger effort to make birth spaces more equitable and welcoming for all. We can also educate ourselves about the unique needs of queer and trans families, listen to their stories, and build care plans that honor their identities and experiences.
Let's keep moving towards a birth culture where all families feel welcome and affirmed, regardless of their gender identity or family structure. Let's celebrate every family's journey, knowing that there's no one way to be a family, and no one way to show up in the world.
Examples of Inclusive Language in Birth Work:
"Pregnant person" instead of "mother" or "expectant mother"
"Birthing person" instead of "mother" or "mom"
"Co-parent" instead of "father" or "dad"
"Partner" instead of "husband" or "wife"
"Guardian" or “grownup” instead of "parent"
"Chestfeeding," “feeding” or “nursing” instead of "breastfeeding"
Language is evolving, and there isn't a one-size-fits-all set of terms. The key is to stay open, listen, and prioritize inclusivity and respect. Together, we can create birth spaces where every family feels like they belong.
